On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
