I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
