Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
