God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
