I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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