the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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