You just made me feel so damn special
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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