I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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