were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
