There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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