Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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