Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
