brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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