then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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