go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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