We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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