Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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