i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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