So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
