JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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