I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so that wasnt chicken after all
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize