I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
