How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
