i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
