Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
