Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
