sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize