i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
