A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
