too bad you live with your parents still
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
