just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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