What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
