Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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