maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
