Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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