Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
