You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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