college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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