Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
