The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize