Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
