u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
