Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
