guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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