I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
