I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
