i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
