I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
