Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
