so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
