I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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