hotel room ftw
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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