I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
