i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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