I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
