He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
