Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
