This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
