it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
