I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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