Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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