I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
