Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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