im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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