and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
