Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
