Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
