i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
