i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
