Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
