look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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