just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize