i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
