remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
