First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
