so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
