am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
