Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
