remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
