So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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