It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
