the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
