I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am puke
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
